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It's been easy for me up untilnow to keep these thoughts and secrets of wanting to be a girl inside me,because no one else knew. I'm just Andy, the nerdy kid who's older brotherplays football. My dream and need I have of becoming a girl was my safeplace I guess. To buy the female hormones and male hormone blockers,knowing what they would do to me, I guess my tunnel vision of wanting tobe a girl, to be like you, to be like ANY girl, blinded me because no oneelse knew about what I was doing."Mom pulled the car over, we were about a mile from the house, she lookedme in the eye. "Do you want to be Andy or do you want to be Ashley?" Ilooked down, but I knew the answer, she did too. "Ashley," I replied, sheheld my hand tighter and said, "I have a close friend that is transgenderand I'm one of the few people she's ever come out to, she lives instealth, she is a sorority sister of mine from college. I'm sure you knowwhat stealth means don't you? What I'm saying is trust me, Andy you needto. My eyes paused on her delicate hands one more time. I wanted to press my lips against the back of her hand. I wanted to kiss her palm and each of her fingertips. I wanted to kiss my way up her forearms that were bare to the elbow. She was evidently oblivious to me.The presentation went well. Immediately after the presentation, she was much more relaxed. We walked around the campus (the presentation took place at a small college). It was a beautiful early spring day. The grass was green, but the trees hadn't yet started to show much sign of leafing out. We talked about the presentation, and the day, and about work. We admired the beauty of the weather and the campus. Outside the student center building we sat on a bench. My arm automatically draped over the back of the bench toward where she sat. It wasn't a standard park bench size, it was cozier than that. I would like to say that we sat hip to hip and she slid back against into the crook of my arm. She sat slightly forward and we.
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